I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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