oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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