see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
