it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
