When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
