i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He better not be in your backpack
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
