John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize