Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
