you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
