i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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