its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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