I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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