he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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