I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
