omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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