I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
