I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
