when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
