being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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