i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Randomize
