Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
did i just pee glitter
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
