You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
