It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
