From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Are we still banned from the library?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
