never play flip cup with pint glasses
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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