its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize