Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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