You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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