I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
