I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
