Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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