I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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