just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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