***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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