Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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