so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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