You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
