peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
