It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
