Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
