If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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