Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
