He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
