i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
