Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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