I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
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