now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
