I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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