is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
