My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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