After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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