She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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