i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
