My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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