it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
