I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
nutella sex= disaster
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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