am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
