Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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