I'm pants shitting drunk right now
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
