Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
