'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
