With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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