u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
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Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?